


Let's Exchange the Experience

by postweather



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-15
Updated: 2012-06-26
Packaged: 2017-11-07 20:05:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postweather/pseuds/postweather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thirteen years after they met, Kurt and Blaine are happily married and living in the city. Everything's perfect until Kurt gets into a car accident and wakes up thinking he's 17. He has no memory of his life after that, and all he knows of his relationship with Blaine is an unrequited crush. Kurt finds himself having to relearn the story of his entire life, and Blaine has to figure out how to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (Based on a prompt from the kink meme.)

All Blaine could think about as he sat alone in the waiting room was that Kurt hated hospitals. He stared at the pale blue floor tiles and thought about every time Kurt had to sit in a hospital waiting room: when Blaine had to get his tonsils removed, his junior year at NYU, that was probably the most recent. It was this very same hospital, Blaine thought, pushing away the thought of Kurt hauling an entire wheelbarrow of flowers and ice cream through the waiting room. Before that, there was the time in high school he got rock-salt slushied by Sebastian Smythe, and then when Burt had his heart attack, and when Kurt was six and his mother died.

All those times Kurt showed up and waited, even when he was small or scared or just sick of it, and Blaine couldn't even sit and wait for visiting hours to start without feeling his legs tremble. _It's going to be all right,_ he told himself, and then, nonsensically, _I wish Kurt was here_.

The nurse who was sitting at the front desk yawned, looked at the clock on the wall, and stood. "Mr. Anderson? It's 9 o'clock. You can come with me now." Her name was Paula, and she was there every weekday morning. Blaine had been seeing her a lot lately.

"Thanks," Blaine said as he stood from his chair, giving her a weak smile. She began to lead him down the hallway, towards Kurt's room. "Sorry for coming early. The subways were running very fast this morning." He cleared his throat, his eyes nervously darting back and forth between the sides of the sterile, bleach-white hallway walls.

"You don't have to apologize," the nurse said. She stopped in front of the door of Kurt's room and opened it slightly, peaking in. "He's awake," she whispered. Then, out loud, "Good morning, Mr. Hummel."

At the head of the hospital bed, Kurt sat propped up by a few lumpy off-white pillows. Pale light streamed out from the nearby window, making lines on Kurt's face until the nurse flicked on the light switch. Kurt squinted his eyes at her. "Where's my dad?"

His voice was small and groggy, unsurprising considering he had spent the last week in and out of drug-idled consciousness. The nurse pursed her lips as she grabbed Kurt's chart off the hook on the edge of the bed and began to take notes. Blaine cleared his throat again. His mouth felt dry all of a sudden, and he felt strangely nervous. His knees felt like jelly and there were butterflies in his stomach when Kurt looked at him, expecting an answer.

"Your dad went back to D.C, Kurt," Blaine said.

Kurt shook his head, dazed. Blaine sat in the chair by the bed, the chair he had become so familiar with in the past week. He would have stayed in that chair 24/7 if the nurses had let him.

Kurt didn't respond right away. He looked around the room, his mouth slightly open. On anyone else it would look dumb, the way the wetness of his mouth contrasted with the pale, dry skin on his face. (It is hard to keep up with a moisturizing routine when you're in the hospital with a head injury.) But, Blaine thought, Kurt was beautiful, here and everywhere else, and he was awake, finally, and they were having a sort of conversation again. It was a miracle, but before he was able to rejoice there was a spark of fear in Kurt's eyes.

"Where's my dad?" he asked again, and Blaine reached over to take his hand.

"He was here all week, but you were still knocked out—I mean, sleeping. He had to go back to D.C. for a day or two, but he'll be back soon."

Kurt pulled his hand away from Blaine sharply, grasping it protectively with his other hand in his lap. Blaine stared at him, confused, until the nurse put the clipboard back on the hook and patted Blaine on the back.

"This is normal. We won't be able to see how much real memory loss he has until we get him off the painkillers."

"Memory loss," Blaine murmured, sitting back in the chair. He was still looking at Kurt, who was decidedly not looking back. "Right. The doctor said that was a possibility."

Kurt was staring at his fingernails as if he was not listening, but at that he looked up at Blaine. "Your voice sounds familiar," he said softly. Blaine smiled weakly and nodded.

"Are you in any pain, Mr. Hummel?" the nurse asked.

Kurt looked away from Blaine and shook his head, his eyes searching the room again. "I'm at the hospital," he stated, his voice cracking slightly.

"You were in a car accident. You're very lucky," the nurse said. "I need to change your bandages."

"Oh," Kurt said, and it was the most lucid he had sounded since waking up. "Oh my god."

"It's okay. Everything's gonna be all right," Blaine said. The nurse casually removed the bandages from the top of Kurt's head. Kurt flinched, realizing for the first time, Blaine presumed, that he had bandages on. "You hit your head a little bit," Blaine said. ( _Understatement of the year award goes to Blaine Anderson.)_

"I was driving?"

"No. You were in a cab. You didn't want to take the subway because you were late meeting me for dinner and the stupid cab driver couldn't drive for shit even though that's his _job_ ," Blaine said.

The nurse shot him a dirty look. "Try to remain calm, Mr. Anderson. Recovering people shouldn't have to deal with stress."

"Right. Sorry." Blaine sighed and rested his head in his hands for a brief second before looking up again. "I haven't slept much this week, to be honest. Kurt, I'm so, so, so incredibly glad you're awake."

Kurt squinted at him. "Mr. Anderson? Blaine?"

"Yes. Blaine." He laughed giddily. "Phew. I didn't want to say it out loud, but I was beginning to think you didn't remember me."

"Mr. Anderson," the nurse warned.

Kurt ticked his head slightly, looking straight ahead. "Thanks for visiting me, Blaine, but I'm a little mortified you have to see me this way."

Blaine laughed. "See? He's joking already. He's fine."

"There. Good as new," the nurse said, putting the final touches on Kurt's bandages. "Now, we're going to lower your dosage, but you let us know if the pain comes back, okay?"

Kurt nodded. "Thank you," he said faintly.

The nurse turned to Blaine. "Mr. Anderson, do you mind if I speak with you outside?"

Blaine didn't feel like leaving Kurt's side, not even for a second. He was too happy. Kurt was awake, he was speaking, he remembered. Everything really was going to be okay. For the first time that week, Blaine was able to admit to himself that he hadn't been so sure. But he agreed, and followed the nurse out of the room.

"The doctor discussed the possibility of memory loss with you, correct?"

Blaine nodded. "Right. He doesn't remember the accident. That's okay. I'll just fill him in on the details, right?"

The nurse shook her head. "Kurt is obviously in a very fragile state right now. The best thing you can do is be there for him, answer his questions as gently as you can, and don't overwhelm him with too much information. Waking up in a hospital with no memory of how you got there is scary enough as it is."

Blaine sighed. "Of course. You're right. I got a little excited."

"I understand. I'll leave you two alone now. Press the buzzer if you need anything."

"Thank you."

When Blaine came back into the room, Kurt was lying down again, his head on the pillow facing the chair.

"Oh. Blaine. You're back," he said, moving to sit up again, but failing. Blaine squeezed his arm gently, and Kurt relaxed back into the pillow. Blaine sat down and gave him a reassuring smile.

"Of course I'm back, silly."

Kurt eyed him nervously. "Do you know where my cell phone is?"

Blaine shook his head. "I don't think it fared well in the crash, sweetheart. We'll go get a new one when you get out of here."

Kurt blushed slightly, and although Blaine had no idea why, it was nice to see some color back in Kurt's cheeks. "I wanted to call my dad, that's all."

"Oh. Sure." Blaine pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and handed it to Kurt, who dialed some numbers in. Blaine watched him like a hawk as he listened into the phone, and then, exasperated and exhausted, hung up.

"I dialed the wrong number. Some lady named Tammy's machine just picked up."

"You have your dad's cell phone number memorized?"

Kurt sighed and shook his head. "My dad doesn't have a cell phone. He, like, lives in the _stone age._ I was trying to call him at the garage."

 _Okay,_ Blaine thought. _Slight memory loss, definitely. Slight, perhaps morphine-induced memory loss. Hopefully._ He tried to decide if it would overwhelm Kurt more or less if he told the truth or if he let him believe that his dad still owned Hummel's Tires & Lube, but he figured it wasn't the most disastrous memory slip to have. He took the cell phone, found Burt in his contacts, and pressed call before handing the phone back to Kurt. Kurt sat up and took it.

"Thank you."

Blaine didn't realize he had done something potentially stupid until Kurt was sniffling into the phone. "Dad?" Then he blushed, and turned to Blaine. "Blaine, I'm sorry, but do you mind?"

"Oh. Sure." His own husband was asking him to leave his bedside and it hurt slightly, because all he wanted to do was to hear Kurt speak and look into his eyes again. He reminded himself to not be selfish, but he stood in the doorway listening to the conversation anyway, if only to heart Kurt's voice.

"Dad? Yes, I'm awake. I-I don't even know where I am. Well, I know I'm in the hospital, but _still_. Why aren't you here? Tomorrow? Okay. I love you too. Yes, Blaine's here. Wait. You haven't even met Blaine yet. I don't want you to meet him for the first time at my head injury. That's so bleak!"

Blaine, stunned, walked back into the room. "Hey, Kurt, do you mind if I talk to your dad for a sec?"

Kurt looked confused but he handed over the phone with a helpless shrug. "My dad's being all weird. I'm so tired." He lay back down, exhausted from exerting more strength than he had the entire week, and closed his eyes.

"Hi, Burt."

"Blaine! He's awake! The day after I leave. What luck. Hey, listen, if I leave right now I can be there in time for lunch."

"I think that would be good. He's been asking for you."

Burt sighed sadly on the other end. "I shouldn't have left."

"It's fine. I'm here to take care of him." Kurt was half-asleep and watching Blaine, his eyes dragging open and shut, heavy with impending sleep. He seemed oblivious to the fact that Blaine was talking about him. Blaine took his hand and Kurt stared down at their entwined fingers, startled, before laying back and falling asleep. "He's confused, I think."

"Yeah. He sounded confused," Burt replied, his voice heavy with worry.

"He was talking about calling you at the garage."

"You and I meeting for the first time."

"The doctor said there's a chance for slight memory loss. Who knows how long it'll last," Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's hand, grateful for its warmth. "I'm just happy he's back, and he's alive."

"Amen to that. I'll see you soon, okay?"

He said goodbye to Burt and hung up, sitting silently for a while before Kurt opened his eyes again. "Blaine," he murmured sleepily, "you're holding my hand. Are you aware?"

Blaine smiled. "I'm aware."

Kurt giggled. "Took you long enough," he mumbled, and he was asleep again.

* * *

Once Burt got to the hospital Blaine left the room to give them some time alone, but he couldn't bring himself to go very far or for very long. When he returned to Kurt's room, Kurt's eyes were red, like he had been crying, but he smiled when he saw Blaine.

"Blaine, this is my dad," he said.

Blaine smiled at Burt, lifting his hand a little bit as a greeting. Kurt eyed the space between them nervously as Blaine pulled a second seat towards the bed and sat down. "So I assume you didn't talk to him," Blaine said.

Burt smiled weakly. "I assumed it would be best coming from you."

"Right. Well. I figure this might be a temporary thing, you know…"

"What if it's not?"

"What are you guys talking about?" Kurt said, staring Blaine down. "You guys are acting weird. I'm okay. The doctor told me I'm okay."

Blaine cleared his throat. "Hey, Finn and Rachel called me earlier, they said they'd stop by tomorrow. You remember Finn and Rachel, right?"

Kurt looked offended by the question. "What's that supposed to mean? Like I'd forget the single loudest couple in the history of glee club." He shifted a little on the bed. "What about Mercedes? I'd text her, but you said my phone got destroyed."

"Kurt. How old are you?"

"Blaine, do you really think-"

"I'm 17," Kurt said. "Duh."

Blaine nodded. "All right. Good to know. Well, the bad news is that Mercedes lives in California, and you haven't spoken to her in years." Kurt's face went blank, as if he hadn't heard any of what Blaine had just said.

"The good news," Burt said. "Tell him some good news, for god's sake."

"The good news is that we're in New York, and Finn and Rachel are still together and still in love, and you and I are married." Kurt continued to stare at him, expressionless. "The nurse told me not to overwhelm you, but to be honest this is all sort of overwhelming. There's no getting around it."

Suddenly, Kurt looked nauseous. "I thought you looked different. I thought maybe it was a different haircut. But no, I'm having a weird coma dream, and you're totally old, Blaine."

Blaine nodded. "Thirty. We're both thirty. You're almost thirty one."

"That's so old, oh my god." He looked at his father, his eyes widening at the sudden realization that his father had aged. "I'm glad in this dream you're still alive, dad."

"Hey, come on! I'm not that old. I've got a lot of years left, kiddo, you know that."

Kurt sniffed a little. "I know, but I worry."

"The heart attack was a long time ago, Kurt. Your dad is very healthy now, thanks to your nagging."

"This is weird, Blaine. Did you say you and I were married?"

"Yes."

"That's how I know this is a dream."

"It's not a dream, Kurt. You don't seem to remember the last 13 years of your life," Burt said.

"Oh. Wow," Kurt said.

"Yeah. And the nurse thought it would be too overwhelming for him," Blaine said smugly to Burt. "Look how well he's taking it."

Kurt opened his mouth and gulped in air like a fish out of water, and started to sob.

"Blaine, I love you like a son, but you have this tendency to speak too soon."

"Dad? I can't breathe," Kurt choked out, his face turning red. Blaine rushed to his side, but Kurt pushed him away. " _Dad_."

Burt sat up so fast the chair he was sitting in nearly toppled over. He wrapped his arms around his son and allowed him to cry into his shirt.

"I'm scared, dad. This is crazy."

"I know, I know. But everything's gonna be okay, Kurt, I promise. We're all here, and you're safe, and that's the important part."

Blaine stood by helplessly. He wanted to be the one holding Kurt. He wanted to be the one Kurt trusted entirely with his entire life, like he was a week ago before the crash came and turned him back into an untouchable schoolboy crush.

Kurt looked up from his father's shirt, calmer now. He wiped a tear away from his face, looking slightly embarrassed. "Blaine, thank you, but I think I should be with family right now."

"Kurt, I _am_ your family."

Burt turned and gave Blaine a firm hug. "Come back again tomorrow. I'll talk to him some more."

"I want to be with him," Blaine said, his eyes filling up with tears. "I don't want to leave him like this."

"You're making him nervous. Don't you remember what that was like?"

The butterflies. He remembered.

* * *

The next day Blaine was early again, but this time the nurse simply smiled and led him to Kurt's room without making him wait. Kurt was awake again, his head dipped, furiously texting from his bed.

"Good morning," Blaine said, standing in the doorway, feeling nervous, waiting for Kurt to start crying and asking him to leave again. But, thankfully, Kurt lifted his head and smiled warmly. Blaine's stomach did somersaults as he walked to Kurt's bedside.

"My dad let me borrow his cell for the night. I can't be without one, you know that, it's like being completely cut off from the world on a desert island." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Although I might as well be. I'm talking to Mercedes, did you know she has a record deal? Albums. _Music videos_. Her music videos are amazing. Do you want to watch?" Kurt pushed the phone towards Blaine and Blaine smiled, shaking his head.

"I've seen them."

"Oh," Kurt said. "Well, I've watched them about a million times since yesterday. Mercedes and I are making plans to hang out next time we're on the same coast." He paused. "She seemed surprised that I texted her. Did we really spend that long without talking?"

Blaine shrugged. "We saw her five years ago at the glee club reunion."

"Glee club reunion?"

"We went to a karaoke bar. It was fun."

"Oh god. We're all so totally old now, aren't we?"

"Thirty isn't old!"

Kurt laughed, and then cringed, groaning sarcastically before his smile disappeared into a serious expression. "Will you tell me how it happened? Us?"

Blaine smiled. "It just sort of happened, I guess. I mean, it was so long ago…"

"When did we get married? Wait, no. First-can you describe our first kiss, in detail? Did I kiss you or did you kiss me? How long, exactly, did you put me through the agony that was crushing on you?"

"Jeez. Someone's touchy."

"I just woke up from it, Blaine. Also I'm not entirely convinced that this is not a dream, so I'm being truthful. Anyway. Dish."

"Our first kiss was in March, I remember because we were still all sort of hung over from the fiasco that was Valentine's day."

"Wait, March?" Kurt closed his eyes. "Isn't it March now?"

"No, sweetie, it's August."

"I thought it was unusually hot out. Don't mind me. Everything's sort of foggy right now."

"It's okay." Blaine reached over and took Kurt's hand again, and Kurt blushed, but squeezed back. "For the longest time, you thought it was such a sudden thing, you know, me falling for you and kissing you in the Dalton study room…"

Kurt's eyes lifted up towards the top of his head, as if he was searching for the memory, but failing, his eyes met Blaine's again.

"But it wasn't. I think, in some way, I was falling for you since I had met you, but it was slow, and we were both young and stupid."

Kurt laughed. "Right. Speak for yourself."

"Shall I go on?" Kurt nodded. "You sang a song during glee practice and it was amazing and beautiful. So I asked you to do a duet for me at regionals and then I kissed you."

"Just like that? You kissed me?" Kurt's voice trembled, like it was stuck somewhere between disbelief and longing.

"I made a pretty cheesy speech first."

"Can you recreate it?"

Blaine laughed, his cheeks turning slightly pink. "I don't think I remember it," he lied. "I said something like, 'You move me, Kurt,' and then we made out."

"Wow. That is pretty cheesy," Kurt said sadly. "It probably worked like a charm. I wish I could have been there."

"Don't be silly. You _were_ there."

"I don't remember it," Kurt said, looking down at his hands. "So you kissed me, finally. I was probably really happy, huh?" Blaine nodded. "And we were boyfriends," he continued, slightly breathless. Blaine nodded again. "And we got married? When?"

"Two years ago. We had our anniversary last month."

" _Wow._ " He looked simultaneously overjoyed and about to weep again, so Blaine pulled out the photographs he brought from his pocket.

"Do you want to see?"

Kurt nodded, taking the pile of glossy images from Blaine's hands. For a few minutes they were silent as Kurt went through them all. Most of them were from their wedding day, but there were some of the two of them just hanging around their apartment, and some from their respective graduation days, the launch party of Kurt's fashion magazine (Blaine tried to explain Kurt's career ascension, but Kurt cut him off- "No, that makes total sense. I was born to tell people what to wear. I perform in my spare time, I assume?" "Yes. You're a quadruple threat and more, of course." "Of course.")

After he was done, Kurt thanked him and handed the pictures back.

"It's a lot, I know," Blaine said.

"Yeah," Kurt said. He looked Blaine over. "You're still handsome."

"You too. Seriously."

Kurt smiled shyly. "Are we happy together?"

"I don't think there's anyone that's happier."

Kurt's eyes got a little misty at that. Blaine got up from the chair to sit on the edge of Kurt's bed, taking his hand again. "I love you so much, Kurt, and I'm so happy you're alive."

"Wow," Kurt said. "You love me. I'm dreaming. This is a dream." Then, a pause, as he stared at Blaine's lips. "Please kiss me."

Blaine leaned down and pressed his lips to Kurt's lips. It was so awkward, and Blaine was shocked at the way their lips didn't fit together like they had only a little over a week ago. That's when it hit him-this Kurt didn't know how. In his mind all the kisses they had shared in the last thirteen years were completely gone. Taking charge, Blaine cupped Kurt's cheek in his hand and kissed him stronger, and Kurt pressed closer against him, hungrily squeezing Blaine's wrist in his hands, hungrily accepting his tongue and his lips. Blaine remembered the hunger, for the first time realizing it was something he had maybe lost with age and confidence.

Blaine pulled away first. He looked at Kurt's flushed face and remembered their first kiss. For Kurt, this Kurt, this slightly-new but still the same Kurt, this _was_ their first kiss.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" Kurt whispered.

Blaine shook his head. "Sadly, no. But also, happily, no. It's real."

"We're real."

Blaine was going to nod, but Kurt grabbed his head and was kissing him again, fiercely.

They had pulled apart again in time for the nurse to come in, but just barely.

Blaine jumped off the bed. "Just testing the bed out. To see if it's. Firm enough." The nurse smirked, nodded, and busied herself with Kurt's chart.

Kurt giggled and Blaine caught his eye, a shared glint of mischief between them, like two sixteen year old boys caught in the act.

* * *

Blaine had visited every day, each morning hoping that Kurt would wake up with some new memory of their relationship and his life, but all he ever woke up with was questions. He wanted to hear the story of the glee club winning nationals about five times, along with the rest of the story of how the rest of his senior year went. Blaine told him the story of how he was rejected to NYADA but valiantly went to New York anyway, gaining entry into NYU for the 2013 spring semester, leaving out the details of how he had spent the entire summer crying, fixing cars, and having a lot of comfort sex in the Anderson pool. He was equally enthralled with the story of how he proposed to Blaine over candlelight three years ago. ("Was it super romantic? Did you cry? I hope you cried.")

The doctor said that it was possible Kurt would start getting small pieces of memory back, but in the meantime the best thing to do would be to introduce him back to his life and concentrate on the present. Luckily, after getting over the initial shock, Kurt took to the future happily.

"This is so totally better than high school," Kurt said when he saw the apartment for the first time. "I love it."

Blaine dreamed about their first night back together every day Kurt was in the hospital, but that was before he brought home a man with only seventeen years of memories and experience to draw from.

Blaine lay silently in the dark waiting for Kurt to be done in the bathroom, knowing that however nervous he felt, Kurt must feel it a million times more. They had fallen into a good rapport, similar to the way they were when they were first dating; they talked for hours, occasionally sneaking small, chaste kisses when no one was looking. They hadn't once talked about sex, which, as Blaine remembered, was about right.

Kurt came out of the bathroom and eyed Blaine's still figure in the dark.

"Ready for bed?" Blaine asked.

"Yeah. I'm really tired."

Blaine could hear the tension in Kurt's voice. "It's so good to have you back here," he said, as Kurt got under the covers next to him.

"It's good to be back," Kurt said. "Although I don't remember being here to begin with. It sort of feels like home, except I don't know where anything is. I might have used your toothbrush by accident."

"That's okay. We practically have the same germs at this point."

"Gross," Kurt said, a slight smirk on his face. "Do you mind if I look in the nightstand?"

"Sure. It's yours. There's nothing really interesting in-"

Kurt abruptly turned the bedside lamp on and opened the first drawer in the nightstand, taking a peek and shutting it just as abruptly. "That's what I thought," he said.

"What you thought?"

"That's a lot of lube, Blaine."

"Oh," Blaine said, laughing. "No, it's-there was a sale, that's all, so we stocked up."

"God. I can't do this," Kurt said dramatically. "You probably want to have sex, don't you? I mean, we're married, and you said we were happy. We probably have so much sex, right?"

"We do okay," Blaine said, his voice still laced with laughter. He sensed Kurt's anxiety and wrapped an arm around him. "But that's not our entire relationship. We don't have to do anything until you're comfortable again."

Kurt groaned. "This is so embarrassing."

"What's so embarrassing about it? You're my husband." Kurt didn't respond. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I forgot."

"Forgot about what?"

"How shy you used to be about sex," Blaine said. "I must admit, it was adorable."

"This isn't funny. I lost all those years that I became a confident, sexy and successful married man, okay? This isn't easy, Blaine. I don't know how I got here."

"Well, I know how you got here. I can tell you about it."

"Okay. You can start by telling me about the first time we…you know."

"I know. Okay, story time, here goes. We were dating for a little over 7 months. We were waiting for the right time, and then we talked about it, and we decided we were ready, and we had sex."

"Such riveting details, Blaine," Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry. It was great, really. We were both nervous, but it was nice."

Kurt looked unsure.

"You want more details than that?" Blaine asked. "Come here." He pulled Kurt closer so that Kurt's head was resting on his shoulder. Blaine kissed him just above his ear before continuing. He could feel Kurt's heart beating, and it reminded him of that very night. "You came over my house, and we both knew what we were gonna do because we had been talking about it that whole week, you know, waiting for it. We both knew it was time and we wanted to. So we…you know. Did it. God, Kurt, I'm sorry. I wish I was better at telling this stuff. I wish I could take you back there and show you what it was like. It was awkward, like all first times are, but it was really beautiful."

Kurt's breath was all shaky and his eyes were wide, but he was smiling. "I'm glad it was you, Blaine." He sat up. "Are you the only one? Like, we didn't have any break up periods, did we?"

"There was a few months, your freshman year at NYU. You needed space. You went on a few dates but yeah, we pretty much stuck with each other."

"That's nice."

Kurt paused, looking thoughtful for a moment before placing his hand on Blaine's knee. Blaine was slightly surprised, but he sat up to kiss Kurt tenderly.

"Please…take me through it. So I can at least pretend I remember I was there."

Blaine nodded, kissing Kurt's neck tenderly, entwining their fingers. "Well, we made out for what felt like hours but was probably only five minutes." He laughed. "I think we were impatient. Then I…yeah, I took your shirt off first, I remember that, and then you took off mine, but that wasn't all that big of a deal, we had seen each other shirtless before. The whole pants situation is where it got awkward." Kurt giggled slightly, burying his head on Blaine's shoulder, while unconsciously Blaine began to rub circles into his back. "So we just made a deal to take everything off all at once. Once we were done looking at each other, we started touching. We were both blushing…" Blaine pulled away to look at Kurt's face. "Kind of like that." Kurt laughed, squeezing Blaine's hand. "We just, you know, touched, everywhere we were brave enough to, and then we started to get more comfortable, and, I apologize for my jargon, we started to jerk each other off.

"We were both about to come but I stopped and I asked to suck you. Which I did. I wasn't very good at it yet but you enjoyed it," Blaine said, smiling to himself. "Then you did me and we took turns until we both came, which didn't take very long, because we were kids. I haven't thought about that night in a long time."

"Thank you," Kurt said. "That does sound…quite nice." He pulled away and looked at Blaine nervously. "Forgive me for this next question, but I need to know what kind of person I am in bed."

"What kind of person you are?"

"Yes," Kurt said, sitting up straight, his back as stiff as his voice, as stiff as his cock through his pajama pants that Blaine was trying very hard not to stare at, failing because he missed staring at Kurt's cock and he never thought he'd be back in a place where it would be impolite to. "Like…what do I like?"

"You like everything," Blaine said.

"Everything?"

Blaine laughed. "Yes. You like topping and bottoming and roleplaying and handcuffs, occasionally. Should I go on?"

Kurt shook his head. What he was doing could hardly be called blushing anymore. It looked more like he was morphing into a tomato.

"Too much?"

Kurt shrugged. "I know I'm a grown man now, but I don't feel like it. I'm sorry. I thought I was grown up, but look at you, Blaine. You're, like…"

"Old?"

"No. Mature. It's _totally_ sexy, but I can't help but feel like I missed out on something, like all those years I've forgotten are years I've lost, even if I was there for everything."

"I know, baby."

"I sort of hate myself for how happy I am. All that uncertainty about my future, about you, it's gone. Now I know I have a happy life. I have everything I ever wanted, and I don't feel ready for it."

Blaine didn't know what to say.

"I wish I could remember the time we spent figuring each other out. It sounds like it was a lot of fun," Kurt said, finally, sadly eyeing his pillow before falling back into it.

"It was," Blaine said. "And we have all the time in the world to do it again."

"Thank you," Kurt whispered, taking his husband's hand. They fell asleep, innocently, with their fingers entwined.

* * *

When Blaine woke up the next morning the space next to him in bed was empty, and the light in the bathroom was on, showing through the small open crack of the door.

"Kurt?" Blaine poked his head in to see Kurt staring at himself in the mirror. "Come back to bed. The sun hasn't even come up yet."

"Sorry. I just figure who needs beauty sleep when you wake up one morning to find your youth is gone, right?" He sighed and rubbed his eyes before starring down his reflection again. "I don't even recognize myself."

"Stop this. You don't look a day over 25 with the way you take care of your skin. And, in my opinion, you've never been more beautiful."

Kurt looked at Blaine, a little more light in his eyes. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say something like that to me."

"I've been calling you beautiful for years."

"Right."

Blaine hesitated for a moment before stepping closer. He stood behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around his waist. Kurt stiffened for a moment before relaxing into his hold.

"This feels right, in a way," he said, running his fingers along Blaine's arms. "Maybe it's coming back to me." Blaine could see him smiling in the reflection in the mirror. "Maybe we can make out for a little bit before breakfast."

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine murmured, pressing a kiss into Kurt's back.

When they kissed again, it felt like nothing had been lost, even if they both knew better.


	2. Chapter 2

It got easier after the first few weeks Kurt was home again. He stopped expecting to wake up to find it was all a bittersweet dream, and he began to enjoy a lot about his new life. He didn't feel ready to go back to work, so he spent most days hanging around the apartment, looking around, calling old friends, and waiting for Blaine to get back from the office. Blaine was now an executive at an indie label that released his very own records, and Kurt had been playing them non-stop as he wandered around the apartment each day, feeling lost.

He loved Blaine even if he couldn't say it out loud. Now whenever Blaine said 'I love you', Kurt could smile or kiss him but he couldn't yet say it back. He hoped that one day he'd be able to make up for the small flashes of disappointment he saw in Blaine's eyes every time it went unsaid.

Kurt didn't feel like the same person he was before the accident, but he felt like there was still something left there inside of him, a small reminder. He felt it when he heard Blaine's music. There was something he felt there that he knew for sure he had felt before, like he had heard those songs before ad nauseam. That's how he knew for sure it wasn't a dream at all. 'Kurt and Blaine' were no longer just a schoolboy fantasy; they were real.

Blaine came home every day to a dinner Kurt made him, and he always came home looking surprised.

"What is it?" Kurt asked one day. "Do I never cook for you?"

"No, you do," Blaine laughed. "Just not everyday. You're not Mrs. Brady."

"I guess that's a relief," Kurt said, smiling as he took a sip of wine, which still felt very adult and slightly ridiculous. "To be honest, I'm bored. I keep thinking about ways to win glee club competitions. Ways to get you to fall in love with me. Now that those two things are irrelevant, it's like I don't even know myself," he said, only half joking. "What do I do now?"

"We should go on a vacation," Blaine suggested. "Get away for a while."

"Really? Just like that? Where?"

"Oh, I don't know. We've already been to Paris." Kurt remembered. Or at least he had seen the pictures. "We could go to some exotic island somewhere. Or I could take a day off work and we could spend an entire day in bed. It's been a while since we've done that."

Kurt blushed, eyeing the wine in his glass to keep from looking at Blaine.

They had been doing this a lot since he got back from the hospital. It started because they had been making out all the time, Kurt being the mental teenager he was, Blaine being grateful for any physical contact he could get. During their make out sessions one of them would break away, laugh, and make a small comment about the fact that they've done everything under the sun with each other already. Kurt would try and usually fail to make a small sexual joke, and Blaine would make one back, his eyes serious, until Kurt fell silent and blushing and Blaine would kiss him again. To Kurt, it really felt like the pinnacle of sexuality, although deep down he knew it was just silly.

"Maybe you could take me back to Paris. I feel a little ripped off, considering I don't remember it," Kurt said, taking a sip.

"I will. Of course."

"Actually, I think we should stay in New York for a while. I still can't go outside without getting horrifically lost and the subways are still confusing to me. This still all feels like a vacation."

"I imagine," Blaine said, taking Kurt's hand from across the table. "It'll get easier. I promise."

Kurt smiled, then sucked on his bottom lip thoughtfully for a moment before gently pulling his hand back. "I'm sorry about last night," he said.

Blaine's mouth turned into a small o before he started to blush. "It's fine."

"I really should have knocked first."

Blaine cleared his throat, moving bits of salad around with his fork. "I was moaning your name, of course you just walked in."

"I wasn't expecting you to be…" Kurt blushed, remembering the night before. They had made out before bed, and it got heated, so Kurt had to stop it. He just wasn't ready to have sex yet, even if logically he already had and he had no reason to feel self-conscious in front of Blaine.

Blaine, still blushing slightly, smiled. "It's not the first time you've seen me masturbating. Also, I thought you were asleep."

"I _was_ asleep. You woke me up."

They laughed and all the awkwardness was gone. Kurt didn't mention the way he stood in the bathroom doorway, watching silently, Blaine looking in his eyes with his hand still moving below, as if daring him to either look away or join him. "Sorry, sorry," Kurt had squeaked, running back into the bedroom. A few minutes later Blaine was back in bed, kissing him apologetically. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to freak you out," he had said, and Kurt didn't know how to say that he wasn't freaked out. He only felt longing in his gut and his groin and he felt woefully unprepared to act on it, so he let himself fall asleep hard, with Blaine pressed against his back.

Kurt downed the rest of his wine and resisted the urge to pour another glass. He would have to get through this without any help. He was an adult now, however absurd that felt. He wondered if all adults felt this way all the time, but he hoped not. "I'm sorry that you—you know, had to resort to that." Blaine looked confused. "Not that there's anything wrong with masturbation! I didn't mean that. It's just—I feel like I should be the one to…I mean, I got you all worked up and then…did that sound self-absorbed? Maybe I wasn't even the one who got you all worked up, I don't know…"

"You were. You definitely were. And it's okay."

"I don't want you to feel like you married a tease."

Blaine laughed knowingly. "I didn't. Please, sweetheart, don't rush yourself because you feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about."

"Okay."

"Also, P.S., you don't have to make me dinner every night, either."

"But I like doing that, and I'm good at it," Kurt said with a smirk. "Let me enjoy wedded bliss while it's still shiny and new to me."

"All right, but as a rule, you let me cook sometimes. Even though I'm nowhere near as good at it," Blaine said, and Kurt smiled, reaching for the bottle of wine.

* * *

The closet was strangest to him. He still had impeccable taste, but all of his favorite clothes were gone, replaced with new styles, new everything. He and Blaine shared a walk-in closet, and there was so much clothing he could hardly go through it all in one day as he cataloged his everyday life and apparel.

He had to go through it all slowly, all of his personal belongings, most of which he didn't recognize, some of which he did. He still had the same pictures of his mother in the same frames, but now he had more pictures of his father, Finn, Rachel, and Carol, as well as Blaine's family. He reminded himself to ask Blaine what Christmases were like these days as he went through the nightstand. He had been avoiding it specifically because of what he saw there last, but now he felt braver, taking the bottles of lube in his hands and looking them over, reading the backs with curiosity, wondering if picking these up from the corner store ever got any less embarrassing.

He had never seen a vibrator in person before but he recognized it when he saw it, stashed away unabashedly at the back of the drawer. He laughed, reaching for it instinctively, not feeling embarrassed until he had it in his hands. "Oh my god," he said out loud, biting his lip unconsciously and running his fingers along the edge of the phallic object. Then, the phone rang, and he silently thanked it for interrupting whatever it was he was doing.

"Hello?"

"Hi, darling. I'm on break for lunch and I figured I'd call to see how you're doing."

Kurt had visited Blaine on lunch breaks the first week he was out of the hospital, but it was so overwhelming getting questions and stares from the people Blaine worked with—people who obviously knew Kurt before the accident, but whom Kurt had absolutely no recollection of. It stressed him out too much and he decided to sit it out for a while, until he felt comfortable, or until he remembered, if either ever came.

"I'm good," Kurt said, his voice oddly stuck in his throat. "Um, I've got something in my hands I need to ask you about. Or maybe I won't mention it. Yeah, I'll probably not mention it. How's work treating you?"

"Hey, no fun. Mention it!"

"I think I just found a vibrator in our nightstand. At least I think it vibrates." Kurt studied it, then unscrewed the cap. "There's batteries in it and everything."

The sound of Blaine's laughter made Kurt's nervous stomach feel better, but he was still blushing his entire head off. _Baby steps_ , he told himself. Where had he heard that before?

"Uh, yeah, that's one of those. There's 10 different settings. They're super nice."

"Hmm," Kurt said.

"I bought it for you as a birthday present after the one you used in college when we couldn't be together broke. Personally I prefer the real thing, or my fingers, but you always liked toys, and I think that's more than I can politely say at work, even if this is a very casual environment."

"Okay, wow. Brand new information about my sexual habits. Nice. Next thing you're going to tell me I'm into orgies and public debauchery."

"I can't say you are, although it's not for lack of trying on my part. Kidding," he added, before Kurt could make a noise of offense. "Don't play innocent. You told me that when you were 16 you were already shopping around for one."

Kurt's face burned. It was true. "I'm curious, that's all," he said.

"So go ahead and try it out. I'll come home and we can talk about it if you want."

There was an awkward silence before Kurt agreed. "I think I might," he said.

He swore he could hear Blaine grinning on the other end of the phone.

* * *

Kurt was so wrapped up in his thoughts while making dinner that he didn't even hear Blaine enter the apartment. He jumped slightly when Blaine gently grabbed his waist.

"Oh, hi, Blaine," he said, his voice shaking slightly. Blaine smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Here, try this." He brought a spoonful of the sauce he was making up to Blaine's lips.

"Delicious." Blaine leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. "So?"

Kurt blushed, shaking his head and looking down, concentrating on cooking again. "Okay," Blaine said, pressing his hand into the small of Kurt's back. "That's fine."

He had tried to use the vibrator but he was completely inept. Every time he tried to get it inside of himself he was met with a burning feeling that was the complete opposite of pleasant. Then, something strange had happened.

"Blaine, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Blaine said, as he circled around the table, setting the place mats. He moved to light a candle in the middle of the table and Kurt smiled.

"How romantic." The candle was lit and Blaine sat down to look at him. "Earlier today when I was—um, attempting to get in the mood to use the…aforementioned device, I was thinking of you and…I had this thought. Or, at least I think that's what it was. It felt too real to be a fantasy. It felt like it had happened before."

"Kurt, that's amazing! The doctor said you might be getting small pieces of memory back. What was it?"

Kurt blushed and sat down opposite of Blaine. He was happy Blaine wasn't embarrassed or freaked out by the fact that Kurt just admitted to fantasizing about him while masturbating, but then he reminded himself that of course it wasn't weird, they were together now. He wondered how long he would have to remind himself that before it felt real.

"I closed my eyes and I heard you telling me you wanted me. We were in the backseat of my car, and I know it was from high school because you looked more like yourself then. I mean, you looked like how I remember you."

"Oh. Right. Do you remember anything else?"

"It's…kind of fuzzy, but I remember your hands on me, and for some reason, I wanted you to stop, but you were angry."

Blaine didn't look happy, and Kurt instantly regretted saying anything, even if he was dying to know if it was an actual memory or not. "That was a few nights before we had sex for the first time. I was drunk, although that doesn't really excuse my behavior. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. It's old news. And now I remember a small bit of what our relationship was like in high school. Maybe soon I'll remember more."

"I hope so. It wasn't all like that, I swear. I hope that it didn't put a damper on your alone time."

"It did, a little bit, but only because I didn't know what it was about or if it was real. But I, um…was able to finish. Just not with the…" He cleared his throat, glancing nervously at the stove, wanting to get back to stirring. He had to be an adult now, he reminded himself, if not for Blaine than for himself, because this was his life. "The vibrator. It kind of hurt so I put it away."

"Did you use enough lube?"

Kurt cringed and shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "I thought I did."

"You should always use more than you think you need. Don't you remember the pamphlets?" Blaine asked, smirking as if it were a hilarious inside joke, but Kurt didn't get it, and this was something that was happening a lot lately, too. Kurt shook his head. "Right. I'll have to get you some pamphlets and give you the talk." Kurt's face fell. "I'm kidding. Unless you'd really like me to give you the talk, in which case, I'm game to go over a few details with you."

"I think I'll be okay. I'm a grown man, after all," Kurt said, his nose in the air. He got up to check on the food. "I'll use more lube next time."

He stood up, facing the stove, feeling Blaine's eyes on him. He heard Blaine standing, getting close behind him, and then he felt Blaine's lips, kissing his neck whisper-soft, up and down torturously slow. It was as if Blaine pressed a button he didn't even know about, and he was hard instantly.

"I think that dinner can wait a little while," Blaine whispered against his skin. "Don't you?"

Kurt pressed backwards against Blaine, who was solid and warm and felt so good as his arms wrapped around his waist. "Yes," he whispered, turning off the stove and turning around in one fluid movement. Instantly Blaine had him pressed against the counter.

Despite how strange it was to wake up one day to find he was married, he had been dreaming about Blaine for months and now that he had Blaine all to himself, Kurt couldn't get enough. Except there was always a point where they stopped, and he could feel the way Blaine tensed, as if he was fighting the urge to push harder, to do more.

They made their way to the couch and Blaine got on top of him, straddling his lap and kissing him harder, taking the time to travel down and suck on his neck and the top of his chest. Kurt wanted him so much. He wanted the memories, and he wanted to make new ones.

"Blaine," he moaned, throwing his head back, letting Blaine mouth at his neck. Feeling reckless, he dropped his hand below, resting it on Blaine's ass. That was new. Blaine moaned in approval and Kurt squeezed, pressing Blaine closer to him.

"Kurt, I'm…I'm gonna move a little, is that okay?" Kurt nodded without knowing what Blaine meant. He would have nodded at anything Blaine had said at that point, really, and he didn't regret it once Blaine began to steadily rock into him. Blaine was perfectly positioned so that the inside of his thigh was pressed heavy against Kurt's cock. He could feel Blaine's against his hipbone. This was really, really new.

"I missed you," Blaine said, and Kurt tried to catch his eyes, wanting to see if he was talking to the same Kurt he was with now or some other Kurt, a Kurt who was comfortably 30 and confident in love. He wondered if there was any way he could ever feel like one whole person again, but then he wasn't thinking about anything except for Blaine's body.

"That feels really good," he said into Blaine's curls, and the sound of his voice surprised him. He felt like he had been here before. All his fear washed away as he felt the familiar stirring in his stomach and Blaine rubbed against him, again and again, until he was coming.

When he opened his eyes again, Blaine had stopped moving. He had Kurt's hand in his own hand, and he was kissing Kurt's fingers. "You okay?"

Kurt laughed breathlessly. "Yes."

"I'll finish dinner. You relax," Blaine said, sitting up.

"Wait—should I, um?" Kurt sat up with him, gesturing stupidly at the front of Blaine's pants and its obvious bulge. Blaine smiled and kissed him on the forehead, where he still had a scar from the accident.

"Don't worry about it."

"Thank you," he said softly. "I'm gonna go change." Blaine grinned playfully and started to walk away. "Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Blaine smiled wide and Kurt's heart fluttered. "I love you too."

Kurt smiled and got off the couch, his underwear starting to feel sticky and uncomfortable. "I know."

* * *

Kurt woke Blaine up in the middle of the night once, his eyes wide and illuminate in the dark of the room. He said Blaine's name softly and pressed a hand to the fabric of the tight white tank top he wore to bed.

"Mmm. What is it?"

"'Blackbird', right?"

"Blackbird?"

"That's the song I sang."

"Yeah," Blaine said faintly. He smiled, his eyes falling shut again. "Come here." He pulled Kurt towards him. Kurt rested his head on Blaine's chest and sighed.

"Now I remember singing 'Blackbird', and the way my heart was beating when you leaned in to kiss me. But that's all. That's all I remember."

"That's a beautiful start," Blaine said, running a delicate hand through Kurt's sleep-messy hair.

* * *

About a month and a half after coming home from the hospital, Kurt decided that it was time he moved on with his life even if he was still unsure of himself. In small ways he was beginning to feel his age again. A few memories here and there of the rest of his high school career began to come with him—good stuff, like winning nationals, and planning his future with Rachel. He remembered his NYADA audition but he had no recollection of the summer he spent recovering from the rejection, and anything farther down the line was blurry to him. And despite it being the topic most often on his mind, he had no memories of his sexual relationship with Blaine, and it was beginning to frustrate him. He knew it was time to just go ahead and start from scratch.

First, he had to talk to Rachel.

"I'm told you're my best friend now," he said to her, once they found a good spot in the coffee place Blaine had told him was his and Rachel's favorite in the city. Rachel looked concerned so Kurt added, "I'm kidding. I remember bits of sleepovers, and honestly, I really did stop hating you once I stopped loving Finn."

Rachel laughed warmly. "I forgot you had a crush on Finn."

"When you put it that way it makes it sound childish."

"Yeah, I guess," she said, taking a sip. "I'm sorry we couldn't hang out sooner. I'm so busy."

"Oh, I know," Kurt said. Blaine had taken him to see Rachel perform in one of the many plays she had starred in since college, and she did beautifully, of course, but it made him sad—Blaine told him he was just as successful in his own right, but since the injury he felt like it would be forever until he felt confident enough to get back to work in any capacity. He didn't remember any of the things he had learned, and the people he had met. All he remembered was Blaine, and glee club, which he couldn't lie about missing, and his dad, whom he missed every day, even though he had dinner with him at least every other weekend.

Kurt sighed. "Being an adult is weird, Rachel."

Rachel leaned back in her seat. "It kind of freaks me out hearing you stay stuff like that."

Kurt didn't know what to say. He hadn't thought about it like that. Blaine had been so patient and understanding that Kurt didn't even realize how strange his condition could be for the people around him. "I'm sorry," he said. "Let's talk about something else."

"I mean, it's weird. But, hey, everything's weird, right? I'm weird!"

Kurt eyed her critically. She was beautiful, confident, and successful. She was now the type of woman who said "I'm weird!" without a trace of irony despite being the envy of everyone around. There was a slight hint of artistic franticness to her every move, but that had always been there. Except now when she walked into a room like she owned the place, people believed her-and he and Rachel were still best friends, so he must be that type of person, too. He just didn't feel it. He fell silent.

"What I mean is that I'm—" Her voice broke, and she breathed deep like she was choking down tears. "For a while there everyone thought you weren't going to make it, you know? But you did, and it was a miracle, except—this sucks, Kurt, I can't lie to you. I miss you."

"I'm right here."

"You're different."

"You're making this all about you." She smiled and nodded at the accusation as if she knew that already.

"Yeah, sorry, I do that sometimes. I'm working through it with therapy. Anyway, it's fine, don't listen to me. I loved you when we were in high school. There's a reason we still hang out and most of the other kids from glee don't."

Kurt smiled weakly. He felt nauseous. He wanted to go home to Blaine, but that didn't feel safe either. Even though he loved Blaine and was over the moon to be with him, he still didn't always feel comfortable in the apartment. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night, and he would have to hide in the bathroom until he stopped crying. He missed his real bed, his real home, back in Ohio. It was silly, because it was a place he always wanted to leave, but he didn't remember saying goodbye, and that hurt. "I don't know what kind of person I am now," he said. "That's the problem."

"I'm sorry. I'm being silly. Of course you're the same person. You still have the same coffee order. And you said you were remembering some things, right? That's a start."

"Can I ask you something?" She smiled and nodded. "Do you and I ever talk about sex?"

Rachel grinned. "Duh."

Kurt bit his lip and grabbed his coffee cup, just to have something to hold. "Blaine and I haven't had sex since I got back from the hospital."

"Really?" She seemed genuinely shocked.

"What?"

"You two haven't been able to keep your hands off each other since you left Ohio."

Kurt nodded, taking a mental note. "I'm worried I'm frustrating him, but I'm scared. I don't remember ever having sex."

Rachel's eyes went wide, like everything was worse than she originally thought. Kurt wanted to hide under the table and cry because he felt so pathetic. She leaned close into the table. "But you want him still, right?"

He took a second to think it over. Then, he nodded.

"Then you have nothing to be afraid of. He wouldn't ever hurt you. I know that. Somewhere in your damaged brain, you know that, too. No offense."

"I took a little offense to that, I'm not going to lie to you," he said, taking a sip of his coffee, even though it was slightly too hot. "I think you're right."

"Then we shouldn't even be talking right now. You have to go home and have sex with your husband." Kurt blushed, but Rachel ignored it. "It'll probably help. I bet that having sex can jog the memory."

Kurt nodded. "It's worth a shot, I guess, despite how stupid that sounds. I think I'll finish my coffee first."

"Please do. You'll need the energy. I mean to say that you two are like gymnasts in the sack from what I hear."

"Rachel!" They were covering their mouths and giggling, and for a second, Kurt felt like maybe not _too_ much had changed.


	3. Chapter 3

When Blaine opened the front door, he knew from the silence coming from the kitchen that Kurt was taking his advice and taking a day off from cooking. "Hey, baby," he yelled from inside the foyer. He dropped his keys. "Is it finally my turn to cook? What are you in the mood for?" There was no answer. "Kurt?"

"I'm in here," Kurt shouted back. Blaine followed the sound of his voice into the bedroom. He opened the door halfway and peeked in.

"Why, hello," Kurt said, his voice smoky and deep.

Kurt was sat in the middle of the bed on his knees, his legs folded underneath him. He was wearing a black button-down shirt, one Blaine recognized as his own, and a tie that hung loose and messy around his neck. And then there was—

"You're not wearing any pants," Blaine said.

Kurt blanched slightly. "Uh. Yeah."

Blaine stepped closer. "Huh."

Kurt leaned back, resting on the palms of his hands and swaying his shoulders slightly. He licked his lips and looked at Blaine, who was staring at the hemline of the shirt hanging on his body, resting snugly against the simple white briefs he was wearing.

"How was your day?" Kurt asked, bringing Blaine back to reality.

"Good," Blaine replied. He looked at Kurt with a puzzled expression and Kurt smiled.

"Come here."

Blaine nodded and crawled up the bed to him, and they kissed. Blaine rested a hand on Kurt's bare knee, and Kurt started to explain. "I wanted to—um, I…I wanted to…" His voice was breathless and trembling like Blaine had never heard it. "Reward you for being so patient," he said, finally, after a long pause.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm ready. You can do whatever you want to me, like it's supposed to be. Like it used to be."

He had to admit that it sounded nice. Under any other circumstances, Kurt waiting for him in bed, half-naked, telling him he could do whatever he wanted—Blaine wouldn't blink twice, but things were different now, and he couldn't ignore the fear in Kurt's eyes, even if he was trying so hard to make it look sultry.

"Like what?" Blaine asked. "Tell me what you want and I'll do it."

Kurt's eyes went wide and he shook his head. "No, this isn't about me."

"All the same. What do you want, Kurt? What do you want me to do for you?"

"I-I don't know. Anything! It's okay, Blaine. You can do anything. I'm ready."

"You're not answering my question."

Kurt huffed angrily and turned away. He grabbed the hem of the shirt he was wearing and pulled it down to cover himself. "Fuck me. You can fuck me."

Blaine shook his head.

"What? You married me. Don't you _want_ me?" Kurt's eyes filled with tears and Blaine reached for him but was pushed away.

"Of course I want you."

A tear fell down Kurt's cheek and Blaine brushed it away with his thumb, which only made Kurt cry more. "Then why won't you?"

"Because that's not only what I mean when I say that I want you, and you're not ready."

"I _am_ ready. I'm thirty years old." Kurt's shoulders were shaking, he was crying so hard, and Blaine tried again to hold him close. This time Kurt didn't fight. He fell limp against Blaine's body and cried. "This isn't _fair_."

Blaine knew that this was coming. Kurt had been far too positive since the accident, taking Blaine's love as his consolation prize for having lost all those years of his life. They had a beautiful life together, but Blaine wasn't sure if it was enough to make up for it all.

"You're remembering things left and right lately. Just give it time."

"Small things. Bits and pieces. It's not enough. I want to feel whole again. I want to feel normal."

"I know. I wish I could fix it all, somehow, but I can't."

Kurt pulled away and wiped his face with the back of his hand. "It's not your responsibility to fix me."

"I know."

"I'm so dumb," he said softly. "I'm not even wearing any pants."

"It's fun to not wear pants around the house sometimes."

"I was trying to seduce you, dumbass."

"I know." Blaine grinned and kissed him sweetly on the cheek. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to. Don't you know how hard it is to sleep next to you every night and not touch you?"

"We cuddle!"

"That's not what I mean. Stop talking to me like I'm a child."

"I'm sorry. I know you're not a child." Blaine sighed sadly. "It's possible to want sex and not necessarily be ready for it. Hell, that pretty much describes the entire first year we knew each other."

"But we grew up," Kurt said. "We got ready for it."

"Yeah. It doesn't take much, Kurt, but it takes time."

"But I really think I'm getting there, honest. I've been thinking about it all the time lately, and I talked to Rachel and she says I should go for it. Lately when we kiss it doesn't feel like enough. Like I want more, but I stop myself, and I don't know why." Blaine listened to him attentively, nodding and rubbing his shoulder for support. Kurt paused, staring at his bare legs, before continuing. "I've been watching porn all day." He covered his mouth to hide his grin.

"Really?" Blaine raised an eyebrow and laughed. "See anything you like?"

Kurt shook his head. "Not really." He paused. "Well, define like."

Blaine laughed. "Yeah, my porn days are sort of behind me, but in college we used to trade porn bookmarks like baseball cards. Especially during that year we were apart _._ At least the part of it we were a couple."

Kurt's eyes lit up like he remembered something. "I had a dream that I was in college and I was drunk and I was making out with some sweaty guy in a bathroom I didn't recognize. Then I called you and we talked about how much we loved each other and we promised to never be apart ever again."

"As much as that sounds like a cheesy romantic comedy that is exactly what happened. I'm surprised you remembered that. You were really shitfaced. It was cute but I had to call you first thing in the morning to make sure you actually wanted to get back together sober."

"College sounds gross."

"We had some good times, we had some gross times. I think things got better after we graduated and moved in together."

Kurt stared at him fondly for a few seconds and Blaine reveled in the comfortable silence that reminded him so much of before the accident. "Anyway, I think that's a good idea, watching porn. Most of it isn't always true to what sex is really like but it does the job of fostering… enthusiasm."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I have a hard time finding any guys in any internet porn videos as attractive as I find you, which is the problem."

"Oh, I don't think that's a problem." Kurt rolled his eyes again and lightly hit Blaine on the shoulder. That was something Kurt never did until they left high school, but Blaine decided to smile and move on without mentioning it. He didn't want Kurt to feel self-conscious. "We made a video, you know."

"A video," Kurt repeated blankly. "What do you mean?"

"Like a sex tape."

"Like—on the internet?"

"No! Of course not!" Kurt looked a little like his eyes were going to bulge out of his head, and Blaine forgot why he thought bringing this up now was a good idea. Honestly, he wanted to show it to Kurt the minute he brought up sex, but now that he knew Kurt was not only watching porn but wanting to have sex again, he figured it was a perfect time. Except now Kurt didn't look so relaxed anymore.

"You mean we - recorded ourselves - having sex."

"It was only for our own personal use. There's two copies in the entire world." Kurt looked like he was going to ask for a divorce right there. "Hey—just listen. I was on tour last year and you were doing a show, so you couldn't come with me. We made it the night before I left so we could have something to watch to remember how much fun we were gonna have when I got back." Blaine looked Kurt over, waiting for a response that never came. "You look overwhelmed."

"No….No, that sounds like something married people do. It just doesn't sound like something _I_ do. If we're both so marginally famous, is it really safe to have a sex tape lying around?"

Blaine laughed. "It's not the safest thing, but which one of us is gonna share it with anybody? Plus, it can prove to come in handy, like if one of us needs a reminder of what sex is like between us. Like, how awesome it is." Kurt blushed and Blaine playfully nudged him with his elbow. "It's not about me doing anything to you, Kurt," he said seriously. "It's about us, together. Okay?"

Kurt nodded. "I'd like to see it, if that's okay, but I want to watch it with you."

"Sure." Blaine took Kurt's hand and kissed his palm. "How about after dinner? I'm starving."

"Me too, but I'm not cooking." Blaine was about to offer to cook, but Kurt cut him off. "And neither are you. Let's order something. Also, I want to get at least a little bit tipsy first."

"Chinese food and wine, I get you."

* * *

They sat on the floor, leaning against the couch, a half-empty bottle of wine sat precariously at their feet along with two full glasses and the television remote.

"Are you sure? We don't have to, you know. We can watch a musical, or the news."

Kurt looked at him cynically. "The news?"

"We love the news."

"I'd rather watch the video, thank you very much. I may be old but I refuse to be old enough to watch the news, tipsy on a Friday night."

"Ouch." Blaine grinned and turned on the TV. "I'll let it start and you let me know if you want to turn it off, or…or, whatever."

"Got it. Press play." Blaine expected nerves from Kurt but he seemed only impatient and bold, now, because of the wine. His eyes were glued to the television. "Are you excited?" Blaine joked.

"Sort of. I want to see what we're like when we're…" He rolled his eyes and grabbed his wine glass off the floor, " _making love_." He took a long sip.

"I think you've had enough," Blaine said, reaching his hand out. Kurt shrugged and handed him the wine glass.

"Why? I'm not even drunk yet."

"Right. The plan was to get tipsy. I don't want you drunk for this. Okay?"

Kurt nodded solemnly. Blaine cleared the wine from the ground and got up to put them back in the kitchen. When he came back, Kurt had just pressed play. "Sorry, it really felt like you were never gonna do it."

"Such impatience," Blaine said teasingly. He sat down again next to Kurt, feeling unsure about what they were doing. He didn't know if he should throw his arm over Kurt's shoulder or take his hand or pull him close like he normally would if they were watching porn. Kurt's shoulders were tensing around his neck as the image of Blaine sitting upright and shirtless on their bed came on the TV, and Blaine decided it might be best to just sit with his hands to himself while they watched.

"This is that part where I watch you try to figure out the camera for five minutes while attempting to look sexy." When Kurt looked at him with an amused expression, he added, "I've seen this thing a lot of times. Don't judge me."

"I'm not judging you. You do look sexy."

"Thanks babe."

On screen, Blaine was staring at the camera, smiling shyly as Kurt grumbled somewhere above the camera. "No, okay, I think it's on. It's definitely recording."

Blaine smiled. "Then get over here."

"I'm sorry, did you mean to say that to me, because you're staring at the camera pretty hard, like it's the one who's about to fuck you."

"Oh, shut up," Blaine said, rolling his eyes and fixing them back to the camera.

"You're such a ham, but you're sexy."

Blaine didn't respond because Kurt was walking over to the bed, shirtless and in boxer shorts. They shared a smile and began to kiss passionately. Kurt sat himself on Blaine's right knee, rocking slightly against him as they kissed.

They were kissing messily and Kurt was straddling his lap. Blaine awkwardly shifted so that the camera could catch both of their faces as their kissed, as well as the way their chests pressed together, and the way Blaine's hand slipped into the waistband of Kurt's underwear like it was nothing. Blaine's heart lurched.

He couldn't bring himself to look at Kurt. He was afraid of what he might see. "Okay so far?"

"Uh-huh."

On screen, Kurt had fallen to his knees on the floor. He pulled Blaine's underwear off and spread his legs, dipping his head in between them. Blaine didn't realize that he was now staring at the Kurt beside him until he was called out for it.

"Please don't stare at me," he said softly. "Normally I like when you stare at me but this…is a lot."

"Right," Blaine said. He turned his head quickly back to the screen, where he was moaning softly, his head thrown back so that his chest was stretched taut as Kurt's head bobbed below him.

"You look good," Kurt said.

Blaine smiled bashfully. "Thank you."

"I look good at that."

"You are."

On the TV Kurt moved his head slightly so that there was now a full view of Blaine's cock, erect, Kurt's hand wrapped around the base as he gently kissed and sucked the head. Next to Blaine, Kurt brought his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them, watching the video intently. Blaine couldn't help but stare a little bit more, watching for a reaction from Kurt. All he saw in Kurt's face was fascination.

The Blaine on TV pushed Kurt away and said, "Give me your cock," so quietly it was barely audible, and Kurt climbed the bed, ditching his underwear unceremoniously as he did so. Blaine laid on the bed as Kurt hovered on his knees over him, dipping his cock into Blaine's waiting mouth and rocking his hips back and forth into it.

Beside him Kurt made a noise that was sort of like a mix of a gasp and the sound someone makes when they're punched in the stomach. "Wow," he said. "That seems rude of me."

Blaine laughed. "It's not, we do it all the time. I like it."

Kurt nodded and continued watching. "This is hot," he said, finally, as he watched himself on screen, reaching for lube, holding on to one of Blaine's knees which were now in the air above him. Blaine's entire ass was spread open and on display for the camera and beside him, Kurt licked his lips, but looked away. "But I don't think I want to watch anymore." He reached for the remote.

"Oh. Okay."

Kurt turned off the TV and turned to Blaine. "I do plan on watching the whole thing someday, because it's awesome, but I think I've seen enough for now. I don't want my first time to feel like I'm reenacting a video. Even if it would probably be better that way, and it's my second first time. I think we should…" His voice trailed off and he looked Blaine over.

"Yes?"

"I don't know. I feel like I'm ready for something, but I don't know what. I felt the same way this afternoon after talking to Rachel. Watching that video made it even worse. Not worse in a bad way, just more. I can see how comfortable we were together, before the crash."

Blaine took Kurt's hand. "We're comfortable together still, aren't we?"

"Not that comfortable," Kurt said, glancing at the TV again.

"That's fine," Blaine said, even though his heart sort of hurt to hear Kurt say it.

He didn't like himself when he felt this way. Kurt had been through hell and he still kept going, figuring out his life even if it scared him; and here Blaine was, feeling sorry for himself because he missed the way Kurt was-not the big things, Kurt was still Kurt, deep down, and not much had really changed—but he missed the Kurt in the video, the Kurt that took care of him. Now, Blaine sometimes felt like he was the only adult in the house, being brave and patient and teaching Kurt about the world, when all he really wanted sometimes was for Kurt to hold him again like he used to. But how could he say that, without hurting Kurt, who had already been through so much?

It must have shown through his face, because Kurt's head was cocked slightly, eyeing Blaine's expression. "Are you sure? You look…weird," he said.

"No, I'm fine. It's fine, Kurt. I know there's no way you're that comfortable yet."

"You miss it."

He had forgotten that even at the beginning, Kurt could see through him. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to be honest."

"Okay." Blaine paused, looking down at the floor while he thought about what to say. "It's not the sex. Really. It's that…you should know that before the crash, I wasn't always the strong one."

"Really."

"Sometimes I came home from work feeling like shit and you would listen to me and give me a back rub and sometimes I would come to you crying and you would hold me and sometimes you took control of me. And that felt good."

"Right," Kurt said, as if what he had said was completely obvious. "That's what a marriage is."

Blaine nodded. "Yeah. I'm afraid that we're going to fall into some weird _thing_ because of the accident. I love taking care of you, and I don't mind waiting for you to be comfortable, it's just that…something's missing, sometimes."

"Well, I can hold you, I can definitely do that," Kurt said, smiling at Blaine, and Blaine's heart melted because it was the same reassuring smile he always had for him. "Except I'm kind of…affected by that video at the moment and I'm afraid of what that would turn into."

"I understand, totally. It can wait. Thank you. I think I just needed to get that off my chest and know that you get it."

Kurt squeezed his hand. "Thank you for telling me." He leaned in and kissed Blaine on the cheek. After the kiss, he lingered there. "I want to try something."

"Oh?"

"I think I'm ready to touch you."

"Where?"

"You know where." Kurt's hand snuck down into Blaine's lap and fell to his belt buckle, where it rested as he looked into Blaine's face, waiting for permission.

"I'd like that."

Kurt nodded and with Blaine's help, pushed his pants down. Kurt hesitated when Blaine was down to his boxers, his cock hard and straining the fabric.

"Through the boxers is fine," Blaine said.

"Okay. Cool." Kurt cupped his hard-on tenderly, and Blaine felt himself lurch from the touch. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing. He reminded himself that he had to be patient, no matter how eager he was to be touched.

Kurt squeezed, and then moved his palm up and down his cock. "Is that good?" he asked innocently, and Blaine smiled.

"It's very good," he replied, even though he could hardly feel anything yet. Kurt was moving slow, hesitating after every movement, but he was still touching Blaine, and that made it perfect.

"I think I want to see it now," Kurt said bravely, removing his hand and looking at Blaine expectantly. Blaine nodded and pushed down his boxers. Kurt kissed him sweetly on the lips and they smiled at each other before Kurt looked down at Blaine's cock. "It's nice."

Blaine laughed. "Thank you. I'm very vain about it." Kurt smiled weakly. "That was a joke."

"Was it?" Kurt's voice seemed to be about an octave higher than usual, if that was possible, and his eyes were wide.

"If that was enough for now, it's fine. We can do something else."

Kurt shook his head. "No, I want to see you…you know." He shrugged his shoulders and looked at Blaine pleadingly. "Can you help me make you do that?"

Blaine nodded. "Go back into the bedroom and get some lube. It'll help." Kurt nodded too and got up quickly, coming back just as fast with one of the bottles from their nightstand.

"Okay," Blaine said, getting comfortable and spreading his legs so that he was even more on display. "Put a little bit in your hands and touch me again."

Kurt was shaking as he squeezed the lube into his fingers so Blaine comforted him by rubbing his shoulder. "I can do this," Kurt said. "I want to."

"You've done it before," Blaine reminded him. "Brilliantly."

That was all Kurt needed to put the lube down and reach into Blaine's lap again, but Blaine took his hand into his own first. "Can I?" he asked, and Kurt nodded, looking relieved, as Blaine wrapped Kurt's slick hand around his cock. They stroked it twice together slowly, getting it wet, bringing him to full hardness quicker than he was used to these days.

"This is easy," Kurt said, when Blaine let go. He lightly danced his fingertips up and down Blaine's length, exploring.

"Yep," Blaine said, closing his eyes with a smile, allowing himself to enjoy it. Kurt seemed fine, confident, even, as he slowly built Blaine up and then sped slightly. "Mmm, that's it. That's it, baby." He found himself itching to touch Kurt. "I wanna jerk you off, too."

"Oh. No. I don't think—"

"Okay," Blaine said. He opened his eyes and gave Kurt a reassuring smile. "We don't have to do anything else. I only wanted to make you feel as good as you're making me feel."

Kurt blushed. His hand was still wrapped around Blaine's cock, but it had stopped moving, and Blaine's eyes were open. They looked at each other, each waiting for the other to look away, but neither did. "You can. But I want to get used to touching you again without being distracted."

"That's a good idea. You're doing so good."

"Thank you," Kurt said softly, and he stroked Blaine softly a few times before he began to fist it, harder, with more insistence. This was how it was in high school; they had no concept of teasing and no patience for foreplay. Everything was about coming. At that moment Blaine didn't mind.

He was moaning, soon, unable to contain himself, knowing full well he was past the point of losing control of the situation. Everything about this was in Kurt's hands, and he kept pumping Blaine's cock so fast he saw stars. "Fuck, fuck, oh, god, Kurt, yes, yes, please….kiss me, please."

Kurt gave into the request so quickly their teeth clashed together but it didn't matter. Their tongues were overlapping and their bodies were pressed together and Blaine's entire body felt like it was being torn open, in the best possible way, as he came into Kurt's fist. Some of it shot onto the carpet but most of it spread over Kurt's knuckles, and when Blaine opened his eyes he was shocked at the sight. "I think I really needed that," Blaine said, his breath still ragged. "Thank you, baby."

Kurt smiled sheepishly and took his hand back, staring down at it. "You're welcome. Should I go wash my hands?"

Blaine shook his head. He leaned down into Kurt's hand it kissed it, smearing his own come on his lips before taking two of Kurt's fingers into his mouth and sucking lightly. "Oh," Kurt said softly. He pushed back into Blaine's mouth and Blaine sat back again, letting Kurt slip a third and then a fourth finger past his lips. He sucked happily until Kurt's fingers were clean, glistening and wet.

"Did I do well?" Kurt asked, and Blaine kissed him.

"It was wonderful. You're wonderful. I love you."

"I love you too."

Blaine gestured to the couch. "Sit there." Kurt hoisted himself up to the couch and sat down. "Are you doing okay? This isn't too much for you yet?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shook his head. "I'm having fun," he said contentedly, and Blaine grinned. He gently snuck the tips of his fingers in the waistband of Kurt's jeans, bending in to kiss the top button. Instinctively, Kurt opened his legs so that Blaine could come closer. "Just take it off."

"Oh, but I love teasing you," Blaine said playfully.

"Not tonight," Kurt replied tensely. Blaine nodded and pulled Kurt's jeans down without any more fussing. He rubbed and squeezed Kurt through his briefs for a few minutes while Kurt whined above him.

"I'm warming you up," Blaine said, grinning widely because he knew he was close to driving Kurt wild, despite how nervous he was.

"I don't need to be warmed up. I'm warmed up."

"Fine," Blaine said. He kissed Kurt's cock through the fabric and mouthed a bit at the head, and then he pulled them down. "How are you feeling?"

"Naked," Kurt said, squirming slightly.

"I meant about this. What we're doing."

"I feel good," Kurt said. "I feel safe."

"Good," Blaine said. He licked his hand and wrapped it around Kurt's cock, stroking him slowly and rhythmically. Kurt whimpered and shut his eyes. Blaine didn't once let his eyes leave Kurt's face. He wanted to watch him.

Blaine leaned in, licking a practiced stripe up from Kurt's balls to the head of his cock. Above him, Kurt's entire body shivered in reaction, and Blaine did it one more time. " _Oh_ ," Kurt moaned quietly.

"Feel good?" Blaine did it one more time, this time swirling his tongue playfully at the head when he reached it again.

Kurt moaned low in his throat before saying, "Yeah."

"I should keep going?"

"Please," Kurt said, his voice desperate. He opened his eyes. "If that's okay."

"Of course it is. Sucking your cock is my favorite."

Kurt laughed, but it was broken by Blaine taking the head of his cock into his mouth and sucking lightly. "Oh!" Kurt grabbed the top of Blaine's head, resting the entire palm of his hand in his curls as Blaine took him deeper, sucking shallowly and flicking his tongue back and forth. Kurt tugged lightly at his hair and Blaine pulled off, kissing the head again, then kissing up and down the entire length.

Blaine would be lying if he told Kurt that he had always been good at this. It took years and years of constant and enthusiastic practice. But he had to admit that as he sucked and kissed and licked his beautiful husband, it made him feel quite good to look up at him and see a look of total and complete bliss on his face, as if Blaine were a natural sex god instead of just a guy who knew exactly what buttons to press.

He felt Kurt get dangerously close when he took him fully into his mouth again, so he backed off and sucked his balls for a while, using his hand to stroke him slowly, just enough to keep him on the edge but not enough to get him there completely. "Blaine," Kurt moaned, his voice broken and strained and so, so sexy.

"You're close. I can tell."

"Yeah."

Blaine pulled his mouth away and let go of Kurt's cock, choosing instead to rub his hands on the tops of Kurt's thighs, moving up his torso, snaking up his shirt. He lightly rubbed Kurt's nipples in small circles until Kurt's entire lower half was moving in time with his hands, fucking up into the air, begging to be touched again.

Without warning Blaine took him entirely into his mouth. Kurt yelped and thrust his hips up. Blaine sucked him harder than he had before, bobbing his head quickly, using one hand to pump the base of his cock and the other to hold Kurt down on the couch until he was coming, screaming a string of "yes" and "Blaine" and "please." Blaine swallowed it down and looked up at Kurt, who was staring at the ceiling and breathing heavily.

"Now what?" Kurt asked, finally.

"Now I think I should take you to bed so we can spoon," Blaine said with a smirk.

Kurt nodded. He went to pick up his pants but Blaine held up a hand to stop him. He grabbed Kurt's shirt and began to lift it off. Kurt looked at him, puzzled but exhausted and obviously satisfied, so he lifted his arms and allowed Blaine to undress him completely. Then, when Blaine grabbed his waist and picked up him from the couch, Kurt wrapped his arms around his neck and was carried away without another word.

When they got to the bedroom, Blaine laid Kurt down gently before shucking the remaining of his own clothes off and getting in next to him. They got under the covers and nuzzled sweetly before Blaine kissed the bridge of Kurt's nose and asked, "So?"

"I liked it, obviously."

"Well, yeah, but how do you feel?"

Kurt groaned. "Do we always talk about our feelings after sex?"

"No. Maybe. Sometimes. It's sort of our thing." Blaine took Kurt's hand. "But you're feeling okay?"

Kurt nodded. "Definitely. Although I kept hoping to have a flashback, like maybe I could have some kind of memory every time I orgasm, or something, but that didn't happen."

Blaine looked at him strangely.

"I don't know, Rachel had this theory-but no, it was all new to me, and that's okay. I felt comfortable, and it felt good," Kurt said. "I don't think I'll ever be able to give you that good of a blowjob in return." Blaine was about to interrupt to assure him of how good he was, but Kurt kept talking. "Maybe once I did, but today I don't feel very skilled."

Blaine scooted closer so that their entire bodies were touching and kissed him. "You don't have to be skilled. Just be you. That's all I want."

Kurt's eyes filled with tears. "You always know what to say to make me feel better. That's probably why I married you."

"Probably. It's probably a combination of that and the fact that I'm incredibly lucky."

"And good looking," Kurt added, wiping away a tear. "Really good looking."

"You flatter me. I like it."

They talked and laughed together for the rest of the night. Kurt asked questions and Blaine told him stories from different intervals of their relationship, jumping from high school to college to after. Despite each story being new to Kurt, the way they cuddled and talked and kissed until they were too tired to keep their eyes open reminded Blaine so much of the way things used to be, coming back to them both.

* * *

Blaine hung his old warbler blazer in the very back of the closet. Kurt found it one Sunday morning, stashed away, forgotten and full of lint.

"Hey, Blaine? Could you come in here?"

Blaine was sitting on the bed on his laptop. He dropped what he was doing and came into the walk in closet. "Need help deciding on an outfit?"

"Not quite," Kurt said. He held up the blazer. "I think we should play dress up."

Blaine's eyes went wide and fearful. "Oh, hell no. There's no way you're getting me into that thing ever again."

"Then why do you still have it?"

"I don't know. I hate throwing things out."

"Well, let's try it on. See if it still fits."

" _Kurt_ ," Blaine whined. "Come on, I hate that thing. Just looking at it makes me feel like I'm 16 again, and I sucked so hard when I was 16."

There was a playful glint in Kurt's eyes, but he was serious. "I loved you." He walked closer. "Just try it on. For old time's sake?"

"Why are you so insistent?" Blaine asked playfully. They were close enough to kiss, and Kurt leaned in teasingly.

"I don't remember any of the steamy make out sessions I'm sure we had in these. I think a reenactment would help me say goodbye."

Blaine sighed, exaggerating his displeasure, but he took the blazer from Kurt. He put it on. "It still fits. Ugh."

Kurt squealed slightly, clapping his hands with excitement. "You look dreamy."

"I thought you hated this blazer."

"On me. I resented having to wear a uniform in exchange for safety. And yeah, you look cuter in tight t-shirts and bow ties, but I like this. When I first met you, you were wearing this blazer."

"Come here, then, we have to reenact our adolescent romance before I start breaking out in zits."

They sat down on the spacious floor, sitting cross-legged and staring at each other like two nervous teenagers. Blaine leaned close and kissed Kurt's neck as Kurt fingered the red pipe lining of his blazer. Blaine started to hum 'Teenage Dream' and Kurt giggled.

"You were so _cool_ ," Kurt said breathlessly. "I was so in love. I didn't know you, back then, of course. I had no idea you were such a dork."

"Hey!"

"It's a compliment. I like you better now. Back then I only really wanted to make out with you."

"Isn't that still true?"

"Yeah, slightly," Kurt said sarcastically. "But I also, like, want to grow old with you, and do boring stuff with you, like laundry. There's a lot of laundry to do later today, by the way, don't let me forget."

"I won't let you forget," Blaine said.

"Good. Now, let's do this, I've wanted to make out with Blaine Warbler for ages." Kurt got on Blaine's lap and straddled him, and they kissed steadily, Blaine's hands in Kurt's hair, Kurt's hands gripping Blaine's shoulders. They were rocking together and it got steamier and steamier, the kissing going from sweet to determined to messy and loose. Kurt pulled away and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, panting slightly.

"There's something I always wanted to do during our warbler days," Kurt said, finally.

"Yes?"

"I've always wanted to take this blazer off of you," Kurt said, and Blaine grinned.

"Please. It smells like mothballs."

Kurt kissed him again while peeling off the blazer, and they kissed for a while, lying on the floor, before Blaine shyly suggested that they take it to the bed.

"I think we should get undressed," Kurt added to the suggestion.

Once Kurt had gotten used to being naked in front of Blaine, it was his new favorite thing. They had taken more showers and had more naked cuddle sessions than sex over the last couple of weeks, but they both enjoyed it just as much, and it did wonders in making Kurt comfortable again.

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt asked. Blaine nodded, tossing off his shirt. He looked up at Kurt. Kurt looked away and casually opened the nightstand drawer. "Do we usually use condoms?"

Blaine cleared his throat, watching Kurt take out a bottle of lube and toss it on the bed. "No, not usually, not anymore. But um—we have them, in the back of the drawer, and they're fine if you—"

"I think I kind of want to. But you're right, we don't need a condom."

"You're going to have to tell me what you're thinking, Kurt, because I don't want to assume…"

Kurt smiled bashfully and sat down next to Blaine. "I was thinking, you know, you could. God, what's the right word for this? I'm debating between _fuck me_ and _make love to me_ but either one is embarrassing to say out loud. The technical terms are too technical but you know what I'm talking about, right?" Blaine laughed and nodded. "I want that. I'm ready for more now, I think."

"All right," Blaine said. "Lie down and I'll prep you."

Kurt was a little taken aback by his directness, but he knew it was just the way they did this, having done it so many times. He had heard the stories of their first everything by now, so he knew how long it took them to build up to the first time having penetrative sex. "Blaine," he said, "I know it can't hurt that much, considering we like it so much, but I'd also like for you to be gentle with me while I'm getting back in the swing of things, if that's okay."

Blaine snickered. "If you think I was going to be anything less than delicate with you, you're nuts. Relax. I know you'll enjoy this, and I'll be just as gentle as I was the first time. More so, probably. I actually know what I'm doing now."

"Thank you," Kurt said. Blaine took Kurt's cock in his hand and rubbed circles into the head gently, getting him hard and warming him up for what they were about to do. "I'm excited," Kurt said. "I thought I would be scared but I'm only excited."

"That's great, sweetie," Blaine replied, biting his tongue in concentration as he continued to fondle and stroke his cock. Then, abruptly, he stopped, to pick up the lube and squeeze some into his hands. He rubbed his fingers together rapidly, warming them, before sliding his hand under Kurt's ass and slicking him up. "Tell me when you're ready for my fingers." Kurt nodded, and Blaine rubbed circles into the sensitive skin around his hole. At first, Kurt felt awkward, but once he was used to the feeling, he felt only warm anticipation stirring in his stomach. He was about to tell Blaine he was ready for more, but he was silenced by the fact that Blaine had bent down to suck his cock as he massaged his hole. Kurt figured a little more foreplay wouldn't hurt. Blaine took his balls into his mouth and kept going, tonguing teasingly at his hole.

"Oh, ho- _ly_ shit," Kurt said. "That's…I wasn't expecting that, sorry."

Blaine had pulled back and was now looking up at him. "I got wrapped up in it, I'm so sorry, I should have asked if you'd be into that—"

"Don't you dare apologize. I was not complaining. Keep doing what you're doing. Start fingering me when you're ready, because I'm ready."

"You love it when I spend time on your ass," Blaine said matter-of-factly. "You always have."

Kurt bit his lip. "It feels so good," he agreed, and Blaine nodded before setting in again, licking from his hole to the head of his cock and back before applying more lube and gently easing in his index finger.

"Huh," Kurt said. He had a distinct feeling of fullness, like he could feel Blaine's finger there, but it didn't feel like anything either way, good or bad. It was better than the pain he had been expecting but far from the pleasure Blaine had told him of.

"Don't worry," Blaine said, looking relieved that Kurt wasn't tense. "You'll get there." He added another finger and worked them in and out slowly for a few minutes before crooking them upwards without warning.

"Oh!" Kurt said. He hissed slightly, before throwing his head back and moaning as Blaine gently massaged where his fingers had landed inside him. "I think I've gotten there," Kurt joked, between moans.

"Yep. I think you're ready," Blaine said, pulling his fingers out. "What do you think?"

"Yes," Kurt said. "It's either now or never. It's time to get back on the horse. I'm not sure if you or I am the horse."

"If I'm the horse, you will be getting back on me soon, if I have anything to do with it."

"Good. I want you to teach me how to touch you like that."

Blaine nodded and came in for a tender kiss before pulling back and squeezing more lube into his hand to stroke himself with. He pressed himself close into Kurt, his cock rubbing just outside, nestled between Kurt's cheeks.

"Mmm, baby," Kurt said, his eyes closed, and they kissed some more before Blaine asked him to open his eyes, and he did.

"You sure?" Kurt looked him in the eye and nodded, and Blaine pulled back to line up the head of his cock with Kurt's slick and readied hole before pushing in. He leaned down again, pressing his chest against Kurt's, so that their faces were close again, as he slowly eased all the way inside. "How's that feel?"

"Good, good," Kurt said, and it was true. He felt so full and alive and not all nervous as Blaine pulled back and eased in again, and then again, kissing him between each slow thrust. "Harder," Kurt said. It was more of a suggestion than an offer or a demand, but Blaine obeyed quickly, pulling back and taking Kurt's knees in his hands to steady himself as he thrust into him. "Yes!"

"It's good? You like it?" Blaine was huffing between each word but he still had his wits about him, which is more than Kurt could say for himself. With each thrust of Blaine's cock inside of him, he felt more and more unraveled. He couldn't form a coherent response if he tried, at this point, so he just nodded and moaned in approval. "I want to show you a different position," Blaine said, as if this were some kind of show and tell event, which Kurt supposed it sort of was, when he thought about it. He nodded and Blaine gently pulled out.

"I know one you've always really liked, but you might have to take control a little bit, is that okay?" Kurt looked intrigued. "I'm going to sit up against the headboard and you can ride me."

"Oh," Kurt said. "Yes. I've seen that before. I'd like that, a lot." Kurt blushed, but Blaine kissed his embarrassment away.

He sat up against the headboard, and Kurt stared at him from where he was sitting in the middle of the bed. He scooted closer, reaching out to touch Blaine tentatively, raking his fingers down his chest, through his slight mound of pubic hair to his cock, which he held gingerly. "You want me to sit on it?"

"I only suggest it because it's one of your favorite positions," Blaine said. "It always hits you in all the right places. I don't think anything does it better for you except doggy style, which I assume you don't want to try yet because you hated that position until we got to college. Then you went crazy for it."

"Good to know," Kurt said thoughtfully. He felt incredibly overwhelmed. He was so turned on and so comfortable with Blaine but for everything Blaine knew, Kurt felt like he fell short. "I don't really know what I'm doing," he said finally.

"Do you want to stop?" Blaine asked, the horny look he had on before replaced with concern. Kurt shook his head.

"I'd like to try. I wish I knew all the positions you like, that's all." Blaine took his hand.

"I can show you. Everything."

They kissed passionately, gentle with each other despite the nerves and excitement they shared. Finally, Kurt hoisted himself up so that he was hovering over Blaine's lap, facing the end of the bed. Blaine grabbed him firmly by the waist as Kurt used one hand to hold his cock, and slowly, eased himself down on it. It took him a few minutes to take Blaine half way, as he kept himself propped up by his legs and the support of Blaine's arms wrapped around his chest. After another minute had past, he began to rock, gentle and slow, their bodies firmly pressed together. They were both whimpering quietly but otherwise everything was silent, until Kurt, emboldened, picked up the pace, finally bearing down one more time so that Blaine was inside him, balls deep. Blaine's mouth was latched onto Kurt's neck, mouthing and kissing, and Kurt could feel the frantic puffs of breath coming from him grow more needy and desperate as Kurt moved faster on his cock.

" _Kurt_ ," Blaine shuddered, and Kurt smiled weakly, knowing Blaine suggested this position because it was one of his favorites, too, being ridden with their bodies so close. Blaine's palms were now pressed against Kurt's chest sensuously, moving up and down in a loving rhythm, brushing slowly over his nipples every few seconds.

"I like it when you touch me like that," Kurt sighed, his voice strained and desperate.

"I know," Blaine replied, keeping one hand teasing a nipple as the other made its way down Kurt's body to wrap around his cock. The added stimulation made Kurt see stars. He didn't realize he was screaming as he bounced on Blaine's cock until Blaine stopped stroking him and grabbed his waist to slow him. He went quiet as if his voice had been snatched from him.

"Oh my god, Blaine…" What he really wanted to say was _why'd you stop?_ but he also wanted to express how amazing it all was, how it was more than he had dreamed it could be.

"I don't want you to come yet," Blaine explained anyway.

"Why not?" Kurt whined. He was panting, rocking back and forth despite Blaine slowing him down. Blaine's cock inside of him felt like nothing he had ever felt before, and every time he moved against it he felt a spark of pleasure shoot through his entire body. He didn't want to stop. He never wanted to stop. He would have married Blaine even if he didn't like him so much, if only for this, and he was about to say so, but Blaine spoke first.

"I want to switch it up a bit," Blaine explained, and Kurt moaned in agreement.

"A new position?"

"Yeah. I want you to fuck me."

Kurt stopped moving completely, and Blaine stammered, "You don't have to."

"No, I want to. I want to so much." He tilted his head so they could kiss. "I'm afraid I won't be good at it."

"I'll help you," Blaine said.

They pulled away and repositioned themselves. Blaine lay on his back and gestured for the lube which lay forgotten on the end of the bed. Kurt grabbed it quickly.

"Do you want to open me up or do you want to watch me do it?"

"Can I watch you a little and then take it from there?" Blaine smiled and nodded sweetly, taking the bottle and lubing his fingers up. He rubbed himself for a few seconds before sliding a finger in effortlessly. Kurt watched him, breathless.

"You're beautiful, Blaine."

Blaine giggled and then moaned, sliding in another finger. "See how easy it can be?" He moaned again, thrusting his fingers in and out. "I want you inside me. Please."

"I will. I will." Kurt lubed up his hand and replaced Blaine's fingers with his own, rushed in his need to please him, to hear more of those needy moans. Kurt fingered him gently until he sensed Blaine squirming against him, pushing himself further on his fingers. "You're used to this," Kurt said. "You can take me being a little forceful, right? You like that?"

"Uhuh," Blaine replied, looking relieved that he wasn't forced to beg. Kurt fucked him hard with two, then three fingers. "Oh, fuck," he mumbled, arching his back off the bed. "I'm ready, I'm so ready, please, Kurt. It's been so long."

Kurt hesitated, but he pulled his fingers out and got the lube again to stroke himself. Blaine sighed, watching him. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to rush you. Are you doing okay? Is this too much?"

"It's perfect. Don't apologize. I love this. I love you."

"I love you, too," Blaine said, and Kurt dropped his head down and took the head of his cock into his mouth, sucking enthusiastically. "Mmmm…." Kurt hadn't yet gotten up the nerve to give Blaine a full blowjob yet, although he had, over the last few weeks, sucked him a little, mostly in short, curious bursts that always ended in him feeling flustered and switching to his hand. There was still so much he had to learn, and he still felt so insecure about so many things, but the way Blaine was moaning above him made Kurt feel as if he couldn't go wrong.

Looking up at Blaine through his eyelashes, Kurt took his cock deeper, wanting to make up for lost time, wanting to prove that he could please Blaine as good as he used to, but it was too much. He gagged slightly and pulled away, coughing. Blaine sat up slightly, and rubbed Kurt's back until his eyes stopped watering. "Woah. Went a little too fast, there, huh?"

Kurt turned pink from embarrassment, adding to the flush of arousal over his body. "Yeah." He felt embarrassed, but then he looked at Blaine, who was smiling at him warmly, and he felt better. "Lie back down."

Blaine obeyed, instinctively spreading his legs and raising them so that it was easy for Kurt to get in between. "Relax," Blaine said, once Kurt was hovering over him.

"I am relaxed."

"No you're not. You're nervous, I can tell. You have no reason to be."

"I want to make you feel good," Kurt said, his voice trembling. "I want that more than anything and I'm scared."

Blaine lifted a hand to brush back a strand of Kurt's hair from his forehead. "Maybe we should stop. You're putting too much pressure on yourself."

"No, no. I want to."

"Okay. Then will you get inside me so I can show you that it's no big deal?"

They were on different wavelengths from the beginning. When they met Blaine was the leader of the Warblers; he was cool and collected and adored, and Kurt found in him an escape from the world that would never adore him fully. Now, Kurt felt how he had felt watching Blaine perform for the first time, except now he knew better. Blaine wasn't any cooler or smarter or better off than Kurt. He made things look easy because they were. Even though Kurt felt like a misshapen puzzle piece being reintroduced to his life with Blaine, he knew it wasn't true. He belonged here. "You'll still love me even if I fumble through this and come too early, right?" Kurt said, laughing a little despite his nerves.

"You know I will."

He looked into Blaine's eyes and knew that it wasn't the events and the days and the plans they made that made up the love they had for each other – it was just them, Kurt and Blaine, and no matter the circumstances, together, they could make things good again.

He pushed inside gently, copying what Blaine had done for him earlier, but Blaine pulled him in, closer, forcing him in deeper so that he was fully in instantly, and they kissed, laughing into each other's mouths as Kurt attempted a rhythm. Kurt's mouth trailed down Blaine's jaw, to his neck, and Blaine moaned gratefully, clutching onto his back. "Oh, oh…"

"That's good?" Kurt asked, picking up a faster pace, encouraged by Blaine's moans.

"Yes," Blaine said breathlessly. "I told you—not to—worry. Fuck, Kurt, yes, there, please don't stop…"

Kurt pulled up, reveling in this new feeling of control. One look at Blaine and he knew that Blaine loved letting go of it. It wasn't enough to show how grateful he was for everything Blaine had done for him over the last few months, but it was a start. He wrapped a hand around Blaine's cock stroked him in time with his thrusts, which grew harder and faster until Blaine whimpered and came, hot over Kurt's fist.

Kurt shot down immediately to kiss his lips, which were curling into a smile. "That was amazing. Thank you."

Kurt was acutely aware that he was still inside Blaine, and he was still painfully hard, and now that Blaine had come he was aware of how good he felt himself. He moaned, clutching bits off the sheet they were lying on to keep from thrusting.

Blaine grinned up at him knowingly. "Come inside me."

Kurt was fucking him again immediately, and within another minute he was gone, coming inside Blaine's tight heat, crying against his hot, sweat-damp skin.

Afterwards, he stayed inside for a while, lying limp over Blaine's body, both of them whispering, "I love you." When he pulled out, he was back to reality, and he was so, so tired.

"Hey. No sleeping. It's 1 in the afternoon. And it's laundry day," Blaine reminded him, his fingers lightly petting his hair. Kurt groaned in response. "We can clean up first. We can take a bath." Kurt whimpered and shook his head. "We can take a bubble bath."

"That sounds nice," Kurt said softly.

"You okay?"

"I'm great." He paused, staring at Blaine lovingly before taking his hand and squeezing. "I want to marry you." Blaine's face fell. "I was kidding. I haven't forgotten that we're married."

Blaine exhaled, looking relieved. "Please don't scare me like that. I worry," he said, eyeing the scar on Kurt's forehead.

"I haven't had any new memories in a few weeks," he said, and Blaine rubbed his back. He was about to say something reassuring, but Kurt didn't let him. "I don't think I care if I remember anything anymore." Blaine looked at him with a puzzled expression and Kurt kissed his forehead. "I would love to remember everything, believe me, but I could be happy like this. I think I remember who I am again, and that's enough, right?"

"Yeah," Blaine said lovingly.

Kurt knew that everything was more complicated than that. There was getting back to work, to performing and fashion and writing again, which he was itching to do—that in itself was a sort of memory working its way back to him, because he remembered what it felt like to be an adult with purpose and drive again. He knew he had hardly any memories of the majority of the last decade of his life, and even if the possibility still stood for everything to come back to him, he was done waiting for it. All he knew was what he felt about his life, his "new" life, how it no longer felt new. It felt like home.


End file.
